by Myriah Boudreaux
Giving birth at home has been a wonderful experience of trust in the Lord and in my husband. Every prayer that I had sent up was answered that early morning of October 21, 2005. The Lord did not betray my confidence in Him.
[Note: at the time of Cassandra’s birth, my other children were Casey (6.5 yrs), Caleb (5.0 yrs), and Elizabeth (2.75 yrs).]
One Saturday morning in July, I had an inclination to do an internet search for “homebirth”. With my last pregnancy, I had looked up “midwives” and “birthing centers”, but neither of those were allowed in Louisiana, so I felt my only choice was to birth at the hospital. “Homebirth” on the other hand, presented the possibility of giving birth unassisted. A “do-it-yourself” homebirth had never entered my mind as an option to plan out. I thought things like that happened only to people who couldn’t get help in time. Now I was finding out that there were actually personal accounts and books written on how to have a birth at home without the assistance of doctors or midwives – just me and my husband and my baby. As soon as I began looking into the matter, I was convinced that this was not just what I wanted to do, but what was destined to happen for our family. Such a strong conviction had not settled in me since knowing that I would attend Franciscan University of Steubenville and that I would marry Greg Boudreaux.
Just because I was convinced, however, did not mean that I had no fear. I was certain that the birth itself would go alright, but I suffered from the loneliness I felt over making a decision that was so different than the norm. I felt that I was going into a personal desert, separating myself from everyone, drawing my strength only from the Lord, learning to trust in the support of my husband and in my own capabilities. I had no one to discuss my emotions with (aside from my husband) and I feared being ridiculed if I told anyone about my plans. I did not personally know anyone who had chosen this path and I couldn’t even find any one online to question about it. But I drew strength from reading the testimonies of people who had previously chosen this way and who proclaimed that it was a wonderful and blessed event.
My first two babies had been born at a birth center in Pennsylvania and the experience for both was very good. Probably the only thing I would change is that I never felt like lying on the bed to push the baby out and I was a little frustrated at being made to do that. But I was happy about no IV, no monitors, no taking the baby out of the room, etc. For my third baby, I felt that I had to deliver at the hospital and though it was my third baby, I was the most nervous for this birth which I knew would be at the big building. When I entered in the hospital, my labor was very manageable – in fact, I felt silly being there before I was really in pain. But despite my doing so well, I was made to have an IV hook up in my hand (just in case) and strapped to monitors and was made to feel like a problem because I wanted to “ambulate” (walk around) with all these wires. Greg and I held each other during contractions while I tried to ignore the people who walked in and out of the room. I was in control the whole time and then said that I felt like pushing. So I was made to lie down (which I really felt was wrong in this labor because once I was on my back, I lost my urge to push and I was rather disoriented, feeling like I could not read my body) and after a few pushes, Elizabeth came out face up, eyes open. I remember sadly how she was wisked away to be cleaned up by strangers and then given back to me, crying so much that I could not coax her to nurse. I finally did nurse her and then she was taken away again to be warmed up and I did not see her for over an hour! At the birth center, they had just placed my baby on my chest and placed warm blankets on top of the baby. We did not need to be separated.
At the hospital, my rest was continually interrupted by the many people entering in the room to take my vital signs and give me information and see me and the baby. It was anything but restful and I felt separated from Greg and the baby, who could not share my bed like we did at the birth center. I knew that my experience was not a bad one compared to everyone else’s, but it was not a good experience either. I wanted more for myself and my family.
Most people evolve toward deciding on an unassisted homebirth. Typically, they begin at the hospital, then move on to a homebirth with a midwife, then decide to have a homebirth alone. I was happy with my two midwife-assisted births at the birth center. I gave the hospital a try and was convinced that I did not want to return there, not just because of my own experience, but also because of the many stories I’d been told by other women of their hospital births. I have never heard a single woman be excited about going back to the hospital for another birth. And with the C-section rate in this country being over 25% when only 5% of births actually require it, I think that anyone willing to place themselves at the mercy of the hospital is braver than anyone intentionally preparing to stay home. I’m not saying hospitals are evil or anything like that. There are just a lot of common hospital practices that I don’t agree with when it comes to labor and delivery. Here was my list of reasons that I wrote up about choosing a homebirth.
WHY I CHOOSE UNASSISTED HOMEBIRTH
I. Childbirth is sacred
A. The time of labor is the most physically and mentally challenging time a woman is likely to go through during her fertile years. When trials arise, a person seeks inner strength and the support of those persons whom she most trusts. The person I most trust is my husband.
B. A child is the most intimate, pure, and sacred gift a woman has to offer. This gift should be offered solely to her partner who helped create this new being as a return of the gift of himself which she received nine months prior.
C. Every child deserves to be conceived in love – privately, quietly, serenely – by two parents who are committed to serving each other’s needs for life. Every child deserves to be received from birth in the same way: privately, quietly, serenely, by the two persons who participated in his creation.
II. Hospitals do not accommodate the awesomeness of childbirth.
A. During labor, when a woman most needs to focus and be supported, the hospital personnel are primarily concerned with the mother answering several questions which had already been answered ahead of time, and preparing her for the worst possible circumstances. Bombarding a woman with worrisome “what if” or “just in case” scenarios is a poor way of being supportive of her innate ability to birth the child using her own faculties.
B. Pregnancy is a normal, healthy part of a woman’s fertility cycle and should not be treated in the same place where persons primarily receive care for illnesses.
C. Although hospitals are getting better at mimicking the home environment with warm furnishings and low lighting, a hospital can never be home, just as formula can never be mother’s milk. A doctor cannot be father, just as incubator cannot be womb. A woman in labor needs to be surrounded by a familiar environment – a nest which she herself has helped create. She needs to be supported by the persons who have proven trustworthy, not whomever happens to be on shift at the time.
An unassisted homebirth was the answer I had been awaiting. Greg and I had joked about having the baby at home, but now it was a real option. When I mentioned the facts to Greg and started discussing it with him, he was fully supportive of the idea and of course, I could not have moved forward with the plan if he was not completely with me on the decision. Given my history of naturally birthing one baby over 10 lbs and one who presented face up (both with very minor tears), I was not worried about the baby getting stuck or needing any stitches. My last two labors had been 3 and 4 hours long and very manageable, so I anticipated a similar labor with this next baby.
Our first big step was a little unusual – we had to look for a home in which to give birth! We knew we were going to move to the Baton Rouge area within the next year, so we thought why give birth in a home that we were soon going to leave? We figured it would be better to move before the birth anyway. So our search was on. The Lord worked greatly in our favor, for He truly sees all things and we were able to secure a purchase agreement for a new home shortly before the infamous Katrina hit our state. Our move date was pushed back by the subsequent storm, Rita, but we managed to move in by the end of September while receiving several full-priced bids on our house in Houma. We felt very blessed.
My prayers at this time were:
Help us get the house straightened out, especially the master bedroom.
Bless the birth to happen at night when the children are sleeping because I don’t know if I can get anyone to care for them and I don’t know if I can manage labor while they’re awake.
Bless Greg to be fully present and understanding of my needs.
Bless us to receive all our mail order items in time for the birth.
Bless us to find a good doctor for the post-partum check-up.
The Good Lord gives us all that we need and I guess I didn’t really need a great doctor, but all my other prayers were answered perfectly. I was able to get the house to the point where I could be at peace with the little bit of unpacking that remained. This was my only birth that occurred at night. Greg was a wonderful birth partner and all the items we had ordered arrived just in time for the birth.
Friday morning (midnight) I woke up with familiar pains. Greg asked me what was the matter, since he saw me squirming in bed. I said, “I would be really surprised if today was not the day”. Just the night before, I had been up with labor pains also, but they faded after I laid down for awhile. This time, I was lying down and the contractions were still coming. I completed a rosary of sorrowful mysteries, then decided that I needed to get up. I asked Greg to bless the house and to light the blessed candle that I used for Caleb’s birth (such Catholics are we!). I also put on some classical guitar Christmas music so that I could focus on the birth.
I have always had difficulty managing labor when lying down or even sitting, so for the next four hours, I walked around and stood still for contractions. This in itself was a bit miraculous since I had never been able to manage more that 30 minutes on my feet all the last trimester. Whenever a contraction grabbed me, I grabbed Greg and having him close to me gave me a lot more peace. When my husband was next to me, holding me, I was able to endure the pain better and focus on what I needed to do. My sole object was to make my body a straight path for the baby.
In the early contractions, I inhaled deeply and braced myself against the dresser countertop. Later on, when the pain was more intense, I exhaled strongly and widened my stance while leaning forward slightly. I sensed that the pushing stage was coming soon, but the labor was so manageable that I was not fully aware that I had already entered transition. Soon, I really NEEDED Greg to be with me through each contraction, as they were coming stronger and more quickly. It was 3am so I managed a Divine Mercy Chaplet, then I told Greg to call his parents, whom I knew would not arrive for at least two hours. I wanted them to be come after the baby, but before dawn. I began to moan through the contractions and I should have known that this was the pushing stage for me.
At this time, Caleb had already woken up and fallen back to sleep on the couch. And now Casey was awake, just sitting on the couch, watching us. I mostly stayed in the bedroom, but came out to assure him that I was alright.
It must have been the prompting of my guardian angel that made me tell Greg to put down some chux pads (absorbent pads with waterproof backing) on the bed and on the carpet, because with the next contraction after they were laid down, I was overwhelmed with the urge to push. I jumped off the bed, threw my arms around Greg, and said, “Hold me! Hold me!” I remember saying this because I needed to be lifted off my feet a little. He said, “I got you!” I let my body work the way it knew how and as I pushed through the pain, I felt my whole lower half change form like I was about to burst. “Aargh. It’s coming! It’s coming!” I cried out, desperate for Greg to reach down to get a hold on the baby. When the head emerged, my water broke. The baby was blessed to come out in two contractions, allowing Greg to somehow manage to hold me up and hold on to the presenting child at the same time. I actually was leaning on his shoulders while he was grabbing the baby’s shoulders.
Now any laboring woman will tell you that it is out of wonder and not vain that we scream “Oh my God!” just before that last push to see the beautiful creation that has been developing within over the past many months. Greg lifted up the baby and I began crying uncontrollable tears of joy.
Casey ran in the room, hearing that my screaming and grunting had been replaced by newborn cries. Greg announced that it was a girl and I was overjoyed. I held Cassandra in my arms and sat on the bed, saying, “We have a baby! We did it! This is our baby! She’s so beautiful.” It was at this time when I told Greg to take a picture – the one I sent out to everyone. I have been filled with joy after every birth, but I have never before seen a picture of myself so elated and so proud.
Before I married, I received in prayer four names for my children – Caleb Joseph and Cassandra Evelyn, then months later, Casey John and Elizabeth Annette. This child was the fulfillment of God’s promise that had been made some nine years ago. This morning was the fulfillment of God’s goodness – allowing everything to fall into place, just as I had asked. I had struggled greatly with thinking that God would allow something bad to happen in order to teach me a lesson because maybe I didn’t deserve to have my prayers answered. Now I was again reassured of God’s love for me and for my family. “Jesus I trust in You” was a renewed motto for me.
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